It's a Hard Knock Life

by Asha (As told to Mommy)

When I got home from daycare tonight, things were going pretty rotten for me.  I couldn't help it, all I wanted to do was listen to my favorite Justin Bieber song ever on the radio, and Mom just turned off the van right in the middle of it. How dare she!  So I threw just the teeniest little temper tantrum to let her know just how displeased I really was. That didn't go so well, cuz then I had to sit in time out when we got in the house.  No fair! 


As soon as I got out of time out, Noah picked up his toy sword and smacked me right in the face with it.  UGH!  Little brothers are such a pain!  This just wasn't shaping up to be a good night.

Then... my Mom made yucky supper that had vegetables in it.  I hate it when she does that.  Dad told me I better suck it up and eat it, cuz that's all I'm getting for supper. They're the meanest.  All I wanted to do was hang out in my room so I could read my new library book.  You know, the one about the dead kitty cat that Mom freaked out about when I brought home from the school library?  But noooooooo.  Nobody would leave me alone so I could enjoy my peace and quiet!

Don't they understand what a rough month I've had?  I mean COME ON, PEOPLE!  I have been one busy kid lately!  The life of a Kindergartener is not an easy one, ya know!  One month ago, I started going to school.  Like EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.   That's a lot of learning.  But I love school so much, it's so much fun.  I really like my teacher and I have made lots of new friends.  In fact, I've learned so much in the past month that I think I'm pretty much ready to go out and get a job now. 

For example, since school started, I've learned how to write all 26 letters of the alphabet in lower case.  I can write lots of stuff now, like notes to my parents which I leave all over the house for them.  Oh, and I almost forgot the most important part:  I learned how to READ!!  It's pretty cool.  So that's why I've been going to the library more, and getting really interesting books about things that my parents don't really wanna talk about.  Grownups are weird.

I also just learned how to tie my shoes.  You might think that's no big deal, but Dad says "thank goodness, no more velcro or slip-ons!"  It still takes me about 100 years to tie one knot, but I'm getting the hang of it.

No more training wheels!  Wooohooo!!

Guess what else I figured out how to do this month?  Yep: I can ride my bike with NO training wheels!  I tried a couple times this summer, but always got too frustrated.  So one weekend when my Grandma & Grandpa & my uncles were here, I just decided to show off my skills and I just hopped on my Princess bike and rode on down the street while my Mommy ran behind me.  She was yelling something, but I couldn't hear her because I was going so fast!  It's super fun, now I ride all the time!

This was right after I scored my very first goal ever!

One of the best things I've done lately is start playing K-1 soccer.  I played Pre-K last year, but this team is only girls and WAY more fun!  My Dad is the coach.  He's kindof a fun-killer for my little soccer social hour, but it's pretty great having him coach me and my friends.  We have an awesome time together.  I scored my first goal EVER this month too!  I thought that was so much fun that just I went ahead and scored my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th goals over the next 3 games!  I pretty much don't ever slow down... soccer is awesome!

On top of all those super amazing things I've been doing lately, I still manage to find the time to do my normal fun stuff, like playing dress-up, Barbies, bugging my bro-bro, reading, coloring, painting, singing, dancing, giggling, shopping, watching movies, riding bike to the park to practice my monkey bar routine, and other regular kid things.  Mom says she doesn't know where I find the energy.  I do.  It's all those darn vegetables she's feeding me!

Miss Monkey Business

So I wish those grownups would just cut me a little slack, ya know?  I've got a busy life, and now I don't even get to take naps anymore!  I mean, I'd like to see you learn how to read and write, tie your shoes, ride a bike, kick a goal, and swing across the monkey bars 76 times and then land on your feet!  ALL WITHIN 30 DAYS' TIME!  My many talents tend to go unappreciated...

It ain't easy being a Kindergartener.  But I'm getting pretty good at it...

I "crack" me up!

"Two and Five"

Despite being just a few months behind schedule, I took the kiddos in for their "birthday portraits", taken the end of July.  When we got to the studio, the photographer asked how old they were turning, so I responded, "two and five."  Noah, ever the little parrot, starts repeating "two and five! two and five! two and five!" until he nearly drove his parents and sister bonkers!  Apparently, this little phrase was pretty catchy: We're potty training now, and use M&M's as a little reward when he goes on the potty.  If he does the deed, I'll ask him "Ok, so how many M&M's do you want?" and he always responds, "TWO AND FIVE!"  Glad to see those Christman "weirdo genes" are starting to show up in that kid...

Anyway, here are the results of our photo-session.  The patriotic red-white-n-blue theme wasn't intentional but they sure do look like the All-American kids don't they!?  Not sure how it happened that these little monkeys grew up so dang fast!

Hello my smiley little man.  I happen to think you are the cutest two year old boy on earth!  That chin dimple is too much & I just wanna smooch your pudgy toddler cheeks all day long!

Anyone else think he looks a lot like Daddy here? Right down to that dang untameable cowlick on the back of his head!

This look usually says one of two things: 1) I'm tired and wanna snuggle or 2) I'm kinda bored and am about to get reeeal naughty.  The goose egg on my forehead [*head butt*] is a sign that I have not yet learned the subtle nuances between the two.

Looks like he's about to share some "wisdom according to Noah"

Silly goob.  This so very well captures him though, my contemplative little comedian!

Love those sparkly blue eyes!

Miss Ash has always been so very photogenic, plus she's such a little poser that photographers usually just eat her up when she comes in for pics! But this time I wasn't so sure. When I went to daycare to pick the kids up, I realized that all the big kids were on their daily excursion to the city pool!  So Mommy sped like a maniac across town, grabbed her out of the pool on that super-hot day, face bright-red, hair sopping wet, and looking rather like a wrinkly newborn field mouse.  Attractive.  But, thanks to Daddy's fancy brush-work and ingenius use of the air-conditioning system in the minivan, she arrived at the studio 15 minutes later looking adorable as all getout, with her dry(ish) locks and non-fuschia skin tone! 

We had a hard time getting her to stop giggling so her face wasn't all scrunched up in the pics... this turned out pretty cute though!  And how about that outfit?!  She's very in to "zebra stripes" lately!  I totally want those shoes...

Thought it looked ridiculous when the photorapher was having her pose like this, but it actually turned out pretty darn cute! 

My favorite shot of her... just so "Asha"!

Hello pretty girl.  How come you grew up so fast?

Then we did some shots of the two of them together.  I was a little worried that bossy big sis and independent little bro would not cooperate... but thankfully, they proved me wrong! 

This one was so that Mommy could remember the height difference between them at this age.  I can't believe how quickly Noah is catching up to his (tall-for-her-age) sister!

They had just erupted into giggles here, I think the photographer captured their silliness pretty well!

My favorite shot of the whole session - this is totally them in their element!

So sweet.  Big sis takes such good care of her little bro, and while sometimes he pays her kindness back with a little shove, most of the time he can be found right by her side, tagging along and looking for a hug!  Yes, they have their fair share of battles, but it is so incredible to see how close these two have become! 

Summertime... and the Livin' is Easy

 

There's no denying it:  summer is here in full-force!  It seems like we waited so long for those temperatures to rise, and now we're complaining about how hot it is!!  Well, I'm complaining anyway...maybe you all are more appreciative, but I've spent far too much time these past few days watching the sky turn black from those eerie summer storms rolling in.  And far too much time sweating from places I didn't even know sweat could come from.  Regardless, I am pretty darn happy that the sun has been shining down on us so we are able to enjoy tried-and-true summer activities like...

He kept busy collecting sitcks, then counting them: "9, 8, 7, Sticks" 

Playing at the park.  We live 1 1/2 blocks from the coolest little city park (we call it "Perfect Park"), tucked away in a nook under cover of trees and away from traffic.  Our bikes have put on a lot of miles heading over there lately.  Noah's favorite pastime while there: collecting sticks. (?) His sister, the gymnast, has been practicing her monkey bar routine.  That kid can fly back & forth across a set of monkey bars 6 zillion times before she even begins to look tired out!  You should see the "pipes" that girl is sporting - makes me think maybe I should incorporate her routine into my workout schedule!!

Watching good old-fashioned American Baseball... Noah's first trip to Newman field was at 3 months of age, he got rained on and it wasn't a real fun time. But this time, my team from work got to hang out in the company box seats (air conditioned inside, under shelter outside). Asha ate a metric ton of junk food, Noah was fascinated by the RedHawk mascot, and Mom & Dad got to hang out with other real-live grownups! We had ourselves a pretty darn good time! 

Checking out the action at the RedHawks baseball game

Enjoying a beautiful afternoon in our sweet box seats!

Going to the movies!  Bam-Bam's first trip to a movie theater to see Cars 2 (The original Cars ranks among his top 3 favorite movies of all time).  Great idea, we though, spending some quality family time in the air conditioned comfort of the theater - and we had free movie tickets to use too!  Oh, but we were not prepared...
#Epic Failure.  That whole "sitting still for more than 10 minutes" thing really took a toll on everyone's patience.  Consuming buckets full of buttery popcorn and gallons of Mountain Dew probably didn't help with the energy level either, in hindsight.  And where acceptable movie-theater vocal volume = 2, Noah volume = steady 10.  Maybe even 11.

Quick pic snapped in the short time he was seated!

"HEY MOM! LOOKIT 'MATER!"

*whispers* "Yeah, buddy, that's awesome, but you have to be quiet so the other people can hear the movie too, ok?"

"OKAAAAAAY!"

"Ok, let's try a little harder. Can you whisper?"

"K, I WHISPERIN' MOM!" 

"Noah, seriously. I'm glad you're excited, but I need you to whisper please."

 "OKAAAAAAY!"

*Silence, for 10 whole seconds.

"SEE LIGHTNING 'QUEEN?!  YEAH!!"

Hanging out indoors where it's nice and cool...

It's so hot, a guy's just gotta find relief any way he can (settle down, it's just sparkling cider!)

Sometimes you just can't help but try to look hot, when it is hot.

Taking a dip in the backyard pool...

Uncool in the pool...

Too cute to be this nerdy already!

Indulging in delicious summery treats...

Orange Push-Ups... the only reason I tolerate the Schwann's man coming to my
door every Monday night for the other 11 months out of the year!

And enjoying summer outings...
Monday night was the main event of the summer: the Microsoft Fargo annual company picnic!  Every summer , this is a huge and fantastic family-friendly event for the full time employees on the Fargo campus.  They have never failed to disappoint, and this year was no different! We were served a huge buffet of burgers & 'dogs for the grownups, mini corndogs and mac & cheese for the kids (errr, for me), chips, corn on the cob, and root beer floats for dessert!  After snarfing down a ginormous meal and 6 gallons of water in the 112-degree shelter tent, we headed out to the field to play our butts off.

Taken out my office window at about 8:30 am, before they blew 'em all up.  There's about 2 football fields worth of land that they hold the picnic on -- full of inflatables & fun stuff as far as the eye could see!

This was taken at last years' picnic - I forgot to snap one of the whole setup this year!  Pretty incredible!

They had some fun waterslides, a couple kiddie pools, drinking water stations scattered throughout, and a 'misting tent' to keep everyone cooled off in that blazing hot heat. I'm not sure the misting tent was necessary, because there was enough water vapor in the air to make me wish I had developed gills so I could breathe!!

Ash was mostly out on her own, she found a couple friends from daycare and they were off like the wind to run through the obstacle courses and slide on the giant Wet 'N Wild!

Someone's excited about the big event!

The two little buddies Heston & Noah, looking for some trouble.

Noah's BFF since infancy, Heston, was also at the party.  Those two little turkeys didn't slow down for one second, and ran their Mamas ragged chasing after the two little sweaty speed demons.  I have no idea how they didn't just drop after playing in those bouncy-castle hotboxes!  But their little red faces were all smiles, despite the difficulty they had trying to slide down the slides. The humidity caused their little sweaty legs to slow them down significantly, so they just adapted - by jumping off them instead of sliding!  The lil' dudes spent the majority of the evening having a ball in the kiddie pool, getting good 'n muddy while cooling themselves off.  And of course, they then topped off the night by throwing massive temper tantrums when it was time to leave.

Our little miss slugger!

Our tough little cowgirl (her nickname: "BadAsh") was feeling quite brave in her little Miss America swimsuit.  She jumped right up on that mechanical bull and stayed on for a full 30-ish seconds?  It was pretty darn epic...

Bam Bam's Wild Ride

 

"Wonder Pets Flyboat Ride*", huh Mommy?  Really?  Gotta be honest with you, I'm skeptical about this.  Have you seen this thing?  I mean, the bottom drops out from under you.  That's supposed to be FUN?  You're kidding me, right? 

  

Seriously!  I'm only two... this can't possibly be how it ends for me.  Can someone point me to the exit?  Anyone?

How about you looky-loos over here?  Can you help a brotha' out?  What's so funny, you've never seen a kid have a panic attack before? 

For the love of petunias, Mother, would you stop with that dumb camera and RESCUE ME?!  Grandma?  Daddy?  Sissy?  Hellooooo!!!  THIS IS STRESSING ME OUT!!

Sheesh. I give up.  You people are sick.

Guess I might as well give in and enjoy the ride.  Good thing I'm already wearing a diaper...

(*from our latest trip to the Mall of America's "Nickelodeon Universe".  Stay tuned for more stories about our weekend adventure in the Twin Cities)

MOTIVATION, WHERE ART THOU?

 

Well, looky here. It's the one-month anniversary of my last blog post. *embarrassed grin*



Hmmm.  Yes, mother, I see you have been slacking off lately... do you need a time out?



Guess I've been a little busy lately. Correction: I've been a lot busy and a little lazy lately. After the month we've had, I'm pretty sure I don't have the energy to take out the garbage, let alone get moving on that massive list of summer projects we've got in store. The crummy weather (this is not summer, Mother Nature, you mean old bag!) is not helping matters either.  I need that elusive Motivation Fairy my friend Kim was looking for… WHERE YOU AT, YOU CRAZY FAIRY!?

Can't I just crash on the couch and watch that entire season of Modern Family I've got DVR'd instead?

We've had a crazy few weeks. Let me give ya a quick rundown of the past month:

1) Dishwasher clogs mid-cycle. Husband pulls dishwasher from it's hole in the wall to fix clog, hose snaps, 5 gallons of disgusting dishwater gushes through the floor and out through the basement ceiling, onto the sectional and carpet in the family room. Wife (nearly) barfs. Husband buys wife brand new replacement dishwasher, appliance installer breaks kitchen sink drain while installing, wife pays plumber to fix sink.

Wife stocks up on ramen noodles for family to eat for the remainder of the summer.

2) Wife takes daughter and 4 of her 5-year-old friends to Wahpeton Zoo for Preschool field trip. Wife loves daughter, thanks the good Lord that she only has one...

The whole preschool class.  There are only 21 of 'em, but they have the energy of 61.

3) Daughter graduates from preschool! Husband makes fun of Wife, who cries when Daughter sings "The Wheels on the Bus" at the ceremony. Wife thinks it was kismet that Daughter later accidentally dumped a half-bottle of syrup in Husband's lap during graduation celebratory brunch.

The Preschool Graduate!  Look out Kindergarten, here she comes!

My grown-up little princess

4) Wife complains of broken fence posts in backyard, dog escapes regularly. Husband hires fence dude to repair broken posts. Wife writes check.

Wind blows, rains fall. Fence breaks again. Husband cries silent tears while he & wife & brother-in-law bail water out of sump pit during 6-hour power outage.

Fence-tastrophie.

Husband calls fence guy back, fence guy repairs the remainder of the fence he already fixed once, wife writes another check.

Wife considers selling eldest child on black market to pay for home repairs.


5) Wife decides 'tis high time to work harder at potty-training Son. Son pees on floor instantly, laughs maniacally. Wife sends Husband out to buy more diapers.

His Highness, King PeePee Pants, atop his throne.


6) Family takes 8-hour trip across the state. Children are well behaved, for the first time ever, thanks to new minivan, family-sized boxes of fruit snacks, and dual DVD players sent from Heaven. Wife decides against black market sale of children. Trip is awesome, family spends quality time with relatives, fun is had by all.  Family decides a return trip in August is in order.

Double-sleepers!  This has in all seriousness NEVER happened before!!

7) Wife decides more logical way to raise some home-improvement funds is to sell some of the massive amounts of unused junk which was slowly and steadily taking over family's home. Wife tags, folds, sorts & displays truckloads of stuff for garage sale.

Holy crap.  And to think I just had one of these a year ago.  Why do we have this much stuff!!?

Grandma comes up to help out, contributes home-baked treats to Granddaughter's business venture. Granddaughter sells $52 worth of cookies, Rice Krispy bars and lemonade. Wife sells $650 worth of random crap. Wife rethinks marketing strategy for next sale: adorable, precocious 5-year-olds move merchandise (and if they flash their blue eyes and dimples, might receive a $5 for a $0.50 item with no expectation for change returned.)



The wee entrepreneur, calculating her capital gains taxes...
or writing "*heart* Justin Bieber" on her notebook, one of the two.


8) Husband & Wife celebrate 8th Wedding Anniversary at Cork & Cleaver ("Booze & Beef") while Grandma babysits. We had a lovely kid-free evening and enjoyed some delicious food. We realized we don't get out much when we both yawned at 8:00 and asked each other "ehh, should we just go back home?" We did just that, and made it through 1/2 episode of Pawn Stars before we both fell asleep on our respective recliners. It was a blissful celebration.


So here I sit, looking ahead at our family calendar for the next few weeks, and realize I best get my hiney in gear, or this house is gonna fall clean apart before the school year starts. (School year!? OMG!! That is not happening…) The summer is 1/3 over and I have yet to do any house cleaning, let alone yard work, bike riding, or swimming... and that is just not cool. So my Motivation Fairy? A 6'3" 280-lb Nordic-looking blond dude (that one I've been married to for 8 years). He has a lovable way of simultaneously kicking my ass while patting me on the back. That coachs' training is sure coming in handy.  I have high hopes for getting some weeds pulled this weekend, and some busted-up pavers removed, but mother nature and the little gnomes that clutter up my kitchen might just have other plans.

Onward & upward! I'm off to nurse this lovely summer sinus infection I've contracted (probably as some sort of punishment for my lazy behavior).  Yippee.  Happy Summer!!  If it ever gets here, that is.